The Sacred Journey

A discussion on the spritual journey each of us must take in life.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

....

I am alone.

Damn those who say I am not because they have no clue what they are talking about.

I am a loser.

I could never be liked in school growing up, loved when I did wrong, liked when I did right, approved when I thought I excelled (never good enough)...

Everything I touch I fail in.

All my friends who claim to be friends never desire to reach out to me as I do not fit in their schedules.

I am alone.

Everything I attempt to dream is squashed by forces (internal and external)

I am tired.

I want to sleep--forever.

no...more....pain....

I am tired of crying
tired of hurting
tired of trying
tired of living for someone else

I want to sleep.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Is Magic: The Gathering Evil?

Here is one response by one Christian.

This encouraged me to write about this very topic so here is my go at it. I first ask you this simple question:

Is this card evil ?

















this is from a series of real magic cards that were in a series to poke gentle fun at itself, but proves my point of those who would in and of itself, "evil": The card is called (gasp) "Spawn of Evil" ....but is a mouse drinking coco!!! and (gasp) does damage to another player. So would you call this card "evil"? Most would laugh at the idea and possibly just shows that it is what the card DOES in the context of the game that players concern themselves with, the pictures only being just that pictures.

No different then a Monopoly card is pulled.
As far as I am concerned, if you call Magic the Gathering evil, you better stay true to form and call these games evil:
--Monopoly -- teaches us that greed is good
--Settlers of Catan -- teaches us to horde all the land we can to conquer the opponent
--Sorry -- teaches false humility as, when you knock your opponent out, you say , "sorry" when you are REALLY NOT...not to mention that it does have the number 6 in there and you could accidentally pull three 6's in a row
--Scrabble -- can I use the words "masturbate", "screw", "devil", "worship" (with this "i" through the "i" in the word devil, of course)...better to avoid it so as to be a bad witness
--Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of the Rings -- mind you, they are not games, but they are books that have fantasy themes and (gasp) magical themes. Both of these written by Christian authors. Hmm....better to just avoid them so as to not be tempted to believe in elves.

Of course these are ridiculous examples but no different than the notion of a fantasy based game is, in and of itself, evil, is ridiculous,

I understand the concerns over some of the art work contained within the game.
Some are distrubing pictures, some of which I have even discarded as I didn't like the picture; however, if push came to shove and I needed the ability the card offers, I wouldn't hesitate to play it. Why? Because the PICTURE is NOT the card...what the card does is indicated in the bottom text...the picture is irrelevent and means nothing to Magic the Gathering players who are actually playing the game (other than possibly identifying the card itself). Do some of the Magic the Gathering players like the pictures: ABSOLUTELY!!! But the pictures are NOT the game.

Case in point: one popular acronym in the Magic the Gathering players is RTFC which stands for "Read the F***in card". While most Christians would not like the cursing in this acronym, I use this to share a point--the game is about what the card does in context of the game. Does anyone really believe they are able to cast spells and hope to do that--haven't heard that ONCE. Only what a card and its abilities and which cards can win the GAME--nothing more! The fantasy theme is just that--pure fantasy and not real or taken seriously by anyone with a sane mind.

This game is morally neutral and morally neutral territory is up to the mind and heart of the individual.
So my point is this: Christians, don't lambast someone simply for playing the game who feels the game is fine and aren't bothered by it and show a healthy interest in it....you will only make yourself the hypocrite the next time you decide to play Uno and you selfishly lay down the SKIP card, hurting your opportunity of "letting the first be last, and the last first" by allowing your neighbor to win.

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

...as I start to wonder....

ok...title makes things sound like I am going to go all philisophical and stuff, but I find it interesting. The moment I start to wonder on the mysteries of faith and the mysteries of God, I begin to freak out again. I am suddenly afraid of God...afraid that I will stand before Him and hear those ever awful words, "Begone. I never knew you." I know that these words were from a different context within the scriptures, but it doesn't matter. I still feel the fear grip and choke that I run away from God when I should be moving towards Him. Eeegads...what has happened to me. My wife feels like she married a different man now(or so I think...and what she has hinted). It is not that I wish for a life back but more for a life of hope and peace that surpasses all understanding. This isn't doubt so much as my OCD just going ga ga and having its way with me. But I shall not give it power: Dear God, as I pray, forgive me for the doubts I DO have, lead me towards your tender mercies, and lead me towards a life of joy.

I was reading an old friend's e-mail to me and she wrote:

"I have grown through all the struggles of my life and now I live, with hope in the new life the Risen Christ brings. I live, uncertain of my future, true, but with ever increasing joy and creative discovery of God's presence within it."


I know one of the many purposes of pain is to draw us closer to the source of life found in Christ--but, wow...to still find joy despite it is another thing all together. I can only hope that I can understand this someday as I am afraid to heal (ironically), afraid to die and, more-so, afraid to live as any dream I had has been, as described as such in the past but still true, raped away from me. I just feel like I want to dissapear as if I didn't exist.

But the hope now is that despite this stuff, I am better still. I am stable and can approach the idea of healing. I am regularly seeing Gary (therapist) again and he is patiently walking me towards the safe path of Christ (screw those Christians who want to make the Christian walk all about not being 'safe'...screw them!!! I can't stand those who would put a millstone around the neck of those who can barely stand as it is--saying that those who hope in the living Saviour--the Saviour who has claimed that his load is easy and his burdon is light--is anathema to me!. Hope this middle finger I am displaying is 'safe' enough for you)

(sorry about the rant....one of the many things I am working on is the fear of Christians....which is beyond ironic since I AM ONE!!!)

Anyway, onward and onward....have a good night.